Night Bus from Hell

9-10th of October

This journey actually started with us laughing. It ended with us almost crying.

We got picked up from Mandalay Inn, which we were sad to leave, (sadder to be leaving a guaranteed workout everyday i must admit) to be driven to the bus departure spot. It took us about 5 mins to get into the mini van and load the bags with fellow passengers. It took us less than 30 seconds to drive up the road where we stopped, utterly ridiculous!

We waited around a bit for our bus and i wasn't excited, more intrigued as to how this nightbus was setup. What arrived before us was a half bed half seat contraption with a 2-1 configuration like a small plane but with a bunk bed format. It was very strange and more like trying to get comfy on a sun lounger with it half propped up. Ok for a bit but for an entire night, i don't think so. My initially fears were compounded not long after we set off. We had picked a double on top, near the back. Little did we know we had in fact picked the worst 'beds' on the entire bus. Naturally it was a case of toy car syndrome for me but that was the least of my worries. I was far more concerned by the fact that every bump in the road was felt in my spine. This was Cambodia and they had just had their wet season, bumps in the road were everywhere. Some were so big we were flung up in the air completely off the 'beds' and some shattered so hard it hurt my teeth and was felt rattling through my bones. I knew there were lots of landmines in Cambodia and it seemed like we were going over as many as possible!

At first we thought it was slightly amusing, we shared some nervous laughter to begin with, then our language and reactions to the continuing pummeling, which showed no signs of letting up, grew a little darker. It wasn't quiet either, each bump shattered not only our bones but the contraptions we were lying on, which would clearly fail the weakest of western safety regulations, made an almighty racket. For the life of me couldn't understand how anyone looked like they were fast asleep!

Hours must have passed taking these explosions style bumps, having to hold onto whatever was at hand to stay grounded. Eventually nature called. I had not really taken any notice of the toilet getting on the bus, i had however noticed that in all this time no one had gone and used it. I couldnt wait and slowly made my way down the isle using all my core strength to remain standing. I got to the toilet which was situation midway down the bus to the side of the steps used to get on. One vital component of the bus i found was missing...the door! So that's where the air con was coming from! I stood for a minute to gain some composure and weigh up the odds and risks of falling out the bus. I had my passport on me and my credit card, granted it would have been a hell of a surprise for nikki to find i had vanished, i also had no idea where i was. How do you even fall out of a moving bus well? duck tuck and roll? I edged down the steps and felt the wind blistering past. I perched myself gingerly and opened the toilet door. Somebody was clearly taking the piss because they had placed the biggest bucket of water in front of the toilet space leaving no room to stand. This only added to the toy car syndrome already in place as the curved ceiling to the toilet was no more than 5 feet tall. I propped one leg over and straddle this giant bucket and tried to close the door behind me the best i could. The door felt about 1cm thick and didn't shut too well or feel stable. In order to have enough room i had to lean back on the door and could only pray that we didn't hit a bump big enough to knock me backwards, the result of which would have seen my weight knock open the door and send me tumbling down and out of the bus. All i can say is im glad i have pretty good balance. I made it out only slightly wet from a few bucket splashes, life still intact and heart rate considerably higher! I made my way back up the stairs, virtually on all fours for safety and thought the music to mission impossible could never have been so apt!

Instead of heading back to nikki i took the opportunity to check out what other accommodation was on offer on this VIP bus. I practically dived on to two lower berths adjacent to the toilet gauntlet. I drew a sigh of relief to find the bumps were far less harsh and the breeze delightfully welcoming. I sat for a while to confirm that we wernt just going over some smaller bumps and made my way back to nikki to tell her the good news. We gathered our things and headed to the lower 'beds'. After seeing the toilet and no door cliffhanger nikkis reaction was just simply 'fuck...i can't believe you just did that', i thought it was best not to think about it. Nikki decided the risk of falling out the bed and rolling down the same steps was far too great and we headed further down the bus to other seats also offering better comfort than our first pick.

I think we ended up getting about an hours sleep on and off before we stopped and the lights came on and everyone seemed to be getting off. We had arrived slightly earlier than scheduled in total darkness still. A bit of confusion later and we were in a tuk-tuk headed towards a lonely planet recommended guesthouse. It was about 4:30am. To our completely dismay we turned up to a road full of shutters and padlocks. For the first time not even i felt safe. For a while we tried to look around while being hassled by the tuk-tuk man who of course knew of a great little hotel much cheaper where we could go. In the end we had to pay for about 4 hours sleep in the only place half open across and further up the road. Still tired but a bit of sleep later, and a few bed bug bites later! we checked out and moved across the road to our original choice of guesthouse.

We had to wait a while for a room and i think we both stared in silence for that duration contemplating the last 12 hours of hell we had just experienced. Not something that will be easily forgotten! In fact if i think about it now, i can still feel that bone shattering pain in my teeth and it makes me cringe!