Sunburnt in Nha Trang

17th to 19th of October

I got sunburt, the first bit of sun we get in and I get all excited don't consider how hot it actually is. MEGA FAIL. By the time we got to Nha Trang I was creeping towards lobster teritory.

The journey from Mui Ne to Nha Trang had some really cool coastal views. It also included one nutcase of a driver in a bus that overtook us and then everything ahead of us at full spead swerving off the road and nearly crashing multipule times. Thankfully our driver was a bit more reserved. This bus journey I introduced Nikki to the delightful music of Example.

We stayed at our first backpackers orientanted accomodation in Nha Trang. The area itself had a very party drunken atmosphere. Food was overpriced and the beach wasn't too great. We got told we were being moved rooms and had to pay more money even though we booked two nights and they addmitted to making a mistake. Good example of south east Asian customer service!

In the hostel we had panics and were a little worried about althe weather. To the east out in the ocean was typhoon meggie and we were considering when we should try Bali to get the best weather. We met some Kiwi girls Gabby & Milley in the hostel who were going in a similar direction as us and seemed unphased by the weather. We were more cautious but we reasured that people we going in the same direction.

The second evening we ate some seafood at a decent looking cheapish place and were again greeted by south east Asian customer service when the wrong food was brought out. After appologisng for the mistake the waitress just suggested I eat this meal instead, not for free or discounted, just I should now accept this one instead. It was a strange skinny looking fish, I wasn't having any of it and declined.

We got a sleeper train out of Nha Trang to Hoi An. I was excited about the prospect of maybe being able to actually sleep on public transport at night and the possibility of getting a tailored suit made in Hoi An, following in the footsteps of Top Gear. To our suprise we were sharing our cabin with Elizabeth and Bevea from Mui Ne! We said hello again shared some stories and tried to settle in. This was completely brought to a hault by a barrage of cockroaches that I had to keep grabbing with toilet paper and throwing in the bin down the hall.....we ran out of toilet paper not cockroaches. All of us slept in blankets and heads covered, still atleast I did fit in this mode of transport, just about.

There is always a Gym

16th to 18th of October

We arrived at Mui Ne at about 1:30am to one man in a hut, a great expanse of black nothingness in each direction and one extremely pushy taxi driver. The man in a hut suggested a place cheaper than guide recommendations and pointed in one direction. We successfully ignored the taxi guy, who was coming out with all sorts of standard lines and quoting hotels he knew, so he left leaving us a walk into the darkness to find a bed.

We ended up hiking about 45mins up the only road in mui ne but did find the cheap $10 a night room. We woke in the morning and to my delight discovered we were right next door to a gym! I went to investigate further and found it was a small but fully equipped place with a yoga studio run by a friendly Aussie guy.

We checked in to beachside huts down the other end of the strip and were somewhat underwhelmed by the beach and sea, also the fact that the place was a complete ghost town.

We decided to catch a cheap local bus to return to the gym and a recommended resteraunt back at the other end. We sought the advice of the woman running the resort who decided to write down what the bus driver needed to know in vietnameese. Simple, hand this in and sit back and relax right? How wrong we were. We got on the bus named the gym and resteraunt to blank faces, handed the ticket woman our note and were shocked puzzled and then worried when she had no idea what was on it! She tried and failed to read it and the note then got passed round the bus without anyone seeming to understand. Eventually we got ushered to sit down at the back. After a while we were suddenly shouted at to get off and that this was our destination. It didn't feel right, nikki was getting off and I quickly tried to judge how far along the strip we had gone. I was being pestered and shouted at so followed nikki off. No sooner had the bus set off when I realised we had been dropped off by a massage parlour ncalled 'good beauty' when the resteraunt (which we were nowhere near) was called 'good morning vietnam'. We were pissed off and couldn't work out why locals couldn't even read their own writing.

We searched around and ate at one of the few options near to us. Our moods improved after feeding and talking to a nice and friendly local who worked at the resteraunt with his girlfriend. Afterwards we walked back up to the Aussie guy gym and had a good little workout and destressed further. After chatting a while he recommended a place to get a massage so we headed there. I got a pretty good easter oil firm massage (being walked on included) Nikki got a facial and head massage.

The next morning we were greated by really bright hot sun. We met a couple of fellow English girls Elizabeth and Bevda and bathed by the sea and enjoyed a few hours before we needed to pack up and leave.

Trapped in a Toy Car Nightmare

15th to 16th of October

Even the locals had no clue what was going on or which bus was going where, what chance did we stand? we were now making a little detor to Mui Ne on the coast.

We didn't get our seats on the ticket (by ticket I mean hastely written, twice scribbled out, bit of paper given to us by the bus boy who was running around like a mad man) a Vietnamese family refused to be spilt up so we took two seats free behind. Soon as I sat down my heart sank. In the normal upright postion my knees were squashed up against the seat infront. There were about 10mins of relatively mild discomfort until the guy infront me went to recline his seat. I was praying this wouldn't happen but realistically knew it was only a matter of time. To his suprise nothing happened, I couldn't get my legs out quick enough and he trapped them. To resolve the situation he thought it was best to just try and start ramming the seat back as if it were mechanically jammed. I yelled out and he turned round to investigate, looked at me, looked at my knees, looked back at me, then just waved at me to move backwards and turned back round content the issue was fixed and went to try and push his seat back again! I managed to half stand up and avoid being cruched again and asked him what he thought he was playing at (knowing fully well he wouldn't understand a word). By this time his family are alterting each other to the situation and quite clearly see me trapped and offer support by laughing and pointing. Getting nothing back from this guy a woman further down takes a break from laughing and says in English 'your seat can go back too' but fails to hear or chooses not to reply when I explained it already was. I accepted my fate and twisted sideways on the seat to fit in and put my legs in the isle in a small gap through suitcases which at turns would usually rock and bash into me.

I calmed down a little during the journey, accepted the lack of human compassion as perhaps a cultural difference. I was delightfully wound up again after we stopped for a toilet and snack break and I re- boarded the bus. As usual, having to duck my head down and to the side to fit and walk the isle properly I was greeted by further pointing and laughing by the family who watched me get crushed as if I were some freak show. I may have muttered some choice words in English none of them were going to understand.

Total journey time about 7 hours. I hate to think of what happens to really tall people who go travelling south east asia.

The Arden of Vietnam

12th to 15th of October

We met a few chatty fellow travellers on our bus and banded together over our lonely planets to find a hostel. Included in this group was a tiny sweede girl who dccided against the plan and instead went to meet other friends. Co-incidently we were following round some of the girls the day before in Ankor Wat.

A little investagtory walk later and we found the local tourist shops area. Places were actually in little shops now as apposex to the street stalls and floors. Less chaos and pushy. We asked around for a local gym and after a little side road searching discovered the Arden (tennis club & gym in Solihull where I worked a bit and worked out alot!) of Saigon and Vietnam. It had two tennis courts and locals trying to play the gym was fairly small upstairs overlooking the courts but had all the equipment and weights needed. More than Arden and even LA Fitness. Powered out a decent workout despite still feeling sluggish from Cambodia.

I got a spot on the legs press (going for a decent 200kg+) from a guy in the gym who seemed to be running the place who had pecs bigger than my head. He seemed suitably impressed and so did his dad (we suspected his dad) who up untill then had looked completely dissintrested in me on the phone, however he couldn't have shot up or looked any eager to help spot me as well. £1 entry fee, very nice!

Next day and a return to the gym. We were greeted by 'the big daddy of the gym' as we nicknamed him and were granted free entry. I think he liked us! I figured we gained his respect through big weight lifts and nikki lifting pretty much the same as most of the local guys. I got more spots off him and lifted more decent weight. Leaving the gym some local man on the street was impressed by my post gym pump, made muscle guestures and felt my biceps. I wasn't weirded out, I was happy with the little ego massage :)

As a whole Saigon still felt grey a bit gubby and polluted. Not suprising since it looked like very man woman child dog and cat seemed to own a scooter! Perfecting the art of crossing the road was a must here, no traffic lights for pedestrians here!

• step out into the road regardless of what is coming down the road


• look at the oncoming traffic, but do not stare at one person and put them off
  
• do not panic at trucks or scooters hurtling towards you


• slowly but steadily walk across the road at a constant pace


• know (pray) everything will just go around you
  
• if in doubt wait and follow a local and use them as a shield
  

After heading out for some snacks and to do some evening walking we were caught out by some MEGA rain. We ran for some cover under a roof ledge until we were kindly offered refuge by a man who owned an art shop. We sat on some seats and watched a few guys painting whilst the water level rose to over ankle height in a matter of minutes. We decided it was about time we bought an umbrella!

Just Another Monday

Monday 11th October

Today we left Cambodia into Vietnam, to which the border crossing - I am please to report - was significantly less stressful then the Thailand/ Poipet debacle (see james earlier post!).

The first thing to strike me about Vietnam on leaving Cambodia, having previously left Thailand, is that everywhere isn't so much "same same but different", but more like "same same, but the same"....I tell a lie - the hats have changed, plus all the weird and unrecognizable stuff the street vendors sell off as 'edible' (again, often questionable)....

...then from the window of the coach I see 4 fully grown dogs, cramped, as though still fetal, in a tiny round cage the size of a washing-up bowl strapped to the back of a scooter. 'My god' I thought - I could only imagine at this point where they were going.

.....and then I see a table, outside of a shop at the side of the road, with what appears to be a carcass of an animal on it....my eyes converse with my brain, and they quickly agree that its definitely the body of a dog....no head...no legs....just a tale and tell-tale mottled brown and white markings....The European girl two rows in front of me screams.

That's probably the first time I get the culture shock...."these people actually eat dogs" i'm thinking, and to them, its just another Monday.

(image - Boy carring Pig Head through the streets)

Coughs and Sneezes and Tropical Diseases

Monday 11th October 2010

We'd already heard Cambodia can be hard work, and after our already hellish border crossing, night bus journey to the Capital - Phnom Peng - and having not exactly fallen head-over-heels for the place, there was nothing much happening to dispel this train of thought...so begin the night of the 11th October!

From 7pm onwards, James was in pretty bad way.... Stomach Cramps, severe diarrhea, nausea, vomiting, a fever so high i could have literally fried breakfast on his chest....and between 1-4am, he was an out-of-it-delirious, rambling mess, in utter turmoil! By 5am, he didnt know which end to put over the toilet....and lets just say, any conceivable 'best-toilet-behaviour-Fitz' that existed before this episode, was, for this evening at least, placed, 'on hold'....

From 5.30am he began experiencing excruciating jolts of pain in his wrists, knees, hips and back - I start to panick as I start to by-pass the Lonely Planet "Traveller's Diarrhea" write-up, in favour of the more sinister "Dengue Fever".....(flash back to Siem Reap sign "WARNING:HIGH DENGUE FEVER EPIDEMIC"...gulp)

10am the next morning, odd-bod-UN-expat Doc Scott did indeed suspect Dengue - he did indeed also fleece us out of $160 dollars for the privilege....O how we all take the NHS for granted!

On the plus side, our $160, did buy us (aside from the blood tests of course) some highly amusing "Doc Scott" quotes:

Me: (attempts to close consultation room door)

Doc Scott: O no, you can leave that open...that way I can actually see what they're [the Cambodian Staff] stealing



Doc Scott: [looking at James medical forms] Ahh, "James Fitzpatrick"....i'd say you look more like a ...a Scandinavian, or Swede....or French. Any ancestory?

James: Yes, possibly Norway I think, somewhere Scandinavian

Doc Scott: Ahh, yes...well that makes perfect sense then...Blond hair....Blue eyes....big nose

Me: [falls about laughing]

James: [even cracks a smile in his feeble state]


And another memorable one having been dropped off back at the guest house by our tuk-tuk driver - who to be fair did wait patiently for us outside the medical place, and did seem genuinely concerned about the state of James health...

Tuk-Tuk Driver: [to James] You get better soon my friend, I see [looking towards James arms] you have strong power...get strong [pats James shoulder].....POW POW [punches air] !!

Us: Laugh

Tuk-Tuk Driver: Erm...So...you need Tuk-tuk tomorrow?

Bloody Typical!! But Nice guy :)



(no picture for this one...seriously - you sick people!)

Night Bus from Hell

9-10th of October

This journey actually started with us laughing. It ended with us almost crying.

We got picked up from Mandalay Inn, which we were sad to leave, (sadder to be leaving a guaranteed workout everyday i must admit) to be driven to the bus departure spot. It took us about 5 mins to get into the mini van and load the bags with fellow passengers. It took us less than 30 seconds to drive up the road where we stopped, utterly ridiculous!

We waited around a bit for our bus and i wasn't excited, more intrigued as to how this nightbus was setup. What arrived before us was a half bed half seat contraption with a 2-1 configuration like a small plane but with a bunk bed format. It was very strange and more like trying to get comfy on a sun lounger with it half propped up. Ok for a bit but for an entire night, i don't think so. My initially fears were compounded not long after we set off. We had picked a double on top, near the back. Little did we know we had in fact picked the worst 'beds' on the entire bus. Naturally it was a case of toy car syndrome for me but that was the least of my worries. I was far more concerned by the fact that every bump in the road was felt in my spine. This was Cambodia and they had just had their wet season, bumps in the road were everywhere. Some were so big we were flung up in the air completely off the 'beds' and some shattered so hard it hurt my teeth and was felt rattling through my bones. I knew there were lots of landmines in Cambodia and it seemed like we were going over as many as possible!

At first we thought it was slightly amusing, we shared some nervous laughter to begin with, then our language and reactions to the continuing pummeling, which showed no signs of letting up, grew a little darker. It wasn't quiet either, each bump shattered not only our bones but the contraptions we were lying on, which would clearly fail the weakest of western safety regulations, made an almighty racket. For the life of me couldn't understand how anyone looked like they were fast asleep!

Hours must have passed taking these explosions style bumps, having to hold onto whatever was at hand to stay grounded. Eventually nature called. I had not really taken any notice of the toilet getting on the bus, i had however noticed that in all this time no one had gone and used it. I couldnt wait and slowly made my way down the isle using all my core strength to remain standing. I got to the toilet which was situation midway down the bus to the side of the steps used to get on. One vital component of the bus i found was missing...the door! So that's where the air con was coming from! I stood for a minute to gain some composure and weigh up the odds and risks of falling out the bus. I had my passport on me and my credit card, granted it would have been a hell of a surprise for nikki to find i had vanished, i also had no idea where i was. How do you even fall out of a moving bus well? duck tuck and roll? I edged down the steps and felt the wind blistering past. I perched myself gingerly and opened the toilet door. Somebody was clearly taking the piss because they had placed the biggest bucket of water in front of the toilet space leaving no room to stand. This only added to the toy car syndrome already in place as the curved ceiling to the toilet was no more than 5 feet tall. I propped one leg over and straddle this giant bucket and tried to close the door behind me the best i could. The door felt about 1cm thick and didn't shut too well or feel stable. In order to have enough room i had to lean back on the door and could only pray that we didn't hit a bump big enough to knock me backwards, the result of which would have seen my weight knock open the door and send me tumbling down and out of the bus. All i can say is im glad i have pretty good balance. I made it out only slightly wet from a few bucket splashes, life still intact and heart rate considerably higher! I made my way back up the stairs, virtually on all fours for safety and thought the music to mission impossible could never have been so apt!

Instead of heading back to nikki i took the opportunity to check out what other accommodation was on offer on this VIP bus. I practically dived on to two lower berths adjacent to the toilet gauntlet. I drew a sigh of relief to find the bumps were far less harsh and the breeze delightfully welcoming. I sat for a while to confirm that we wernt just going over some smaller bumps and made my way back to nikki to tell her the good news. We gathered our things and headed to the lower 'beds'. After seeing the toilet and no door cliffhanger nikkis reaction was just simply 'fuck...i can't believe you just did that', i thought it was best not to think about it. Nikki decided the risk of falling out the bed and rolling down the same steps was far too great and we headed further down the bus to other seats also offering better comfort than our first pick.

I think we ended up getting about an hours sleep on and off before we stopped and the lights came on and everyone seemed to be getting off. We had arrived slightly earlier than scheduled in total darkness still. A bit of confusion later and we were in a tuk-tuk headed towards a lonely planet recommended guesthouse. It was about 4:30am. To our completely dismay we turned up to a road full of shutters and padlocks. For the first time not even i felt safe. For a while we tried to look around while being hassled by the tuk-tuk man who of course knew of a great little hotel much cheaper where we could go. In the end we had to pay for about 4 hours sleep in the only place half open across and further up the road. Still tired but a bit of sleep later, and a few bed bug bites later! we checked out and moved across the road to our original choice of guesthouse.

We had to wait a while for a room and i think we both stared in silence for that duration contemplating the last 12 hours of hell we had just experienced. Not something that will be easily forgotten! In fact if i think about it now, i can still feel that bone shattering pain in my teeth and it makes me cringe!